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 Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)

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PostSubject: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:05 pm

Basic Information

Name: Kuraiyama Mizuki

Real Age: 1,500

Appeared Age: 18

Gender: female

Division: 1st

Rank: Captain commander

Organization: captain of squad one and the leader of the shinigami

Appearance: Kurai is a petite woman only standing 5'3 in height.she has a small frame yet a curvy figure similar to rangiku's.her breasts are a supple D cup in size.her hair color is a light golden blond that falls down her shoulders that is either left loose or tied back in a single braid with her bangs falling over her torquoise eyes.her skin is a smooth flawless peach cream color and her lips are full with a light shell pink color.she wears a regular shinigami uniform with a sleevless captains haori on top.strapped to her side is her zanpakuto with a dark purple obi tied around her waist.

Gigai appearance: her physical appearance is the same,except she wears a dark gray short sleeve t shirt with heart with wings on the chest area.she wears a black skirt and black converses. she also has a pair of headphones hanging around her neck with a crescent moon charm on a necklace which is actually her soul pill in disguise. she also has two small silver hooped rings on her bottom lip.or she will wear a white short sleeve button up shirt with a black tang top underneath,black socks that stop below the knee and white sneakers. she will either leave her hair loose or tie it back in a loose ponytail.

Personal Information

Likes/Dislikes: likes: reading,dancing,music,training,and talking
Dislikes: unneccessary violence,country music,arrogance,and those who think low of her because she is a woman.

Strength/Weaknesses: being the captain commander,kurai has mastered kido,hakuda,swordsmanship and her zanpakuto abilities.however kurai is terrible at reining in her spiritual energy.causing her kido spells to end up more destructive than it needs to to contain her spiritual power,she straps a black choker with a yellow outline around her neck.Only releasing it when she needs to.

Personality: Despite being a captain commander,kurai is known for being a friendly,and optimistic person.she is respectful and polite towards anyone and everyone even if they are her enemy.even as a shinigami who live violent lives,kurai doesn't like fighting and will try to talk the soul society's way out of fighting or try to find a peaceful solution.however when the time calls for it she is serious and if there truely is no other way she will turn to the option of fighting.Kurai is also cunning and slightly mischeivous in battle or in general.she is also very good with people and fair with her fellow captains.she also allows both captains and lieutenants to speak their minds in a meeting for she believes that a lieutenant must also have a strong leadership role if the captain happens to die the lieutenant will be ready to take his/her place. Kurai doesn't like being addressed by honorifics and would rather be called by whatever makes the person more comfortable with,believing that despite her rank that she is no different than a seated officer.she also holds no hard feelings against the other races since in her eyes they are all the same but just have different ways than the shinigami do.unlike the previous captain commander's,kurai also takes part in missions and takes the burden of filling out most of the paperwork so that shinigami captains can concentrate on training and building social lives of their own.kurai refuses to let anyone slack off in any division including her own.Kurai will even set up events once a month with the divisons to show their progress.kurai herself will even attend the event to spar with her fellow captains to test their and her own skill.kurai also pays visits to the academy to train the future shinigami and to personally encourage them to never give up.kurai is also compassionate and kind hearted.she often visits the division of the souls that live on the outside of the seretei to help passed on children find their families,to build better homes,offer more food and water,clear the streets of hollows and to personally take in the orphaned children and train them. Kurai also seems to enjoy taking walks during her freetime or soak herself within the hot springs.she also seems very found of art and can be seen painting on a nice day if everything else is completed.

Sexual Orientation: straight

Relationship Status: Single and looking

Zanpakuto Information

Zanpakuto Name: Mitsukai Akuma (angel and demon)



Zanpakuto Looks: *white katana is Mitsukai and black katana is Akuma*

Zanpakuto Release Phrase: Bring forth the elements,mitsukai oyobi akuma (angel and demon)

Shikai: the two zanpakuto katana's each transform into the element weapons she her left hand she wields Mitsukai and in her right hand she wields akuma. they both wield three elements. Mitsukai has the blade of water,light,and wind as akuma wields fire,darkness,and earth. each blade has its own power and kurai can only wield two of each twin spirit at a time (example: Water and fire).it takes 1 post to switch her swords.

Water/ice blade:

*she can control the water's movements with her sword.allowing kurai to form it into any shape she wishes.she can even control the temperature to be able to freeze the water or cause it to boil. this can be used for attack and defense.she can also do the same the ice.


*she can absorb the energy from sunlight into the blade.causing it to glow. she can then be able to shoot rays of light at her enemy. burning her target, and also cutting through anything made up of dark matter.she can even take down an opened garganta by disrupting it with pure light.


*Kurai has the ability to guide the wind with her sword.spinning motions with it can cause hurricanes. she can also summon lightning from the clouds by making a slashing movement through the air,she can control the movements of the lightning with her blade.she could also cause it to rain,hail,or snow controlling their movements with the sword as well.


*fire surrounds the blade part of the sword at all times.with her blade she is able to control fire's movements with her sword,and she can control its temperature.she can also summon and control the movements of lava.she is also capable of shifting its form.


*Kurai can use shadows as transportation. with a shadow she can transport anywhere she has been to by stepping into it. she can also form shadows into weapons.these weapons are able to transport into the shadows as a sneak attack to her enemy. She can also summon a wave of darkness within a mile of herself.allowing her enemy to be blinded.


*By stabbing the ground, Kurai can cause vines to sprout from the ground.using her sword as a guide she can control their movements as well as any earth related object such as Rock,clay,mud,sand,ect.

Released Zanpakuto Looks:

Mitsukai's blades:



Akuma's blades:



Other Techniques:

Flash step master: being the captain commander of the soul society, kurai has mastered the art of flash step. her speed even equals that of the second division captain, though not quite surpassing. she can also leave after images behind.

*kurai has also accomplished using shunko and creating temporary clones.

Hakuda master: during her time when she was alive and since her days through the academy and such. kurai has mastered many forms of martial art and she could manage without her sword for a while.

Expert swordsmanship: Kurai is excellent with swordsmanship and could fight on equal terms with the rest of the captains as well as with an espada ranked arrancar.

Kido:Due to many years of experience and practice, kurai has mastered a good amount of kido spells. However due to her lack of control over her immense spiritual energy,her kido tends to be more destructive and untamed. Thus the reason why she wears the choker.despite that slight problem kurai is decent with her kido.and can cast advanced kido without even saying the name yet it still has been used at full effect.

immense spiritual energy: being the captain commander, Kurai possesses an exceedingly powerful Reiatsu, capable of making other captain level Shinigami sweat in fear and paralyze a lieutenant by a simple look. her spiritual energy causes Her body to glow green,blue,white,black,red,and light gray all at the same time.symbolizing the elements her zanpakuto can control.she can also destroy buildings without effort.

Strength: Kurai is exceptionally strong for a shinigami.being able to even cause slight damage to an arrancar bare handed as well as being able to kill a hollow without the need of her zanpakuto.

immense Durability: Kurai is able to withstand being impaled by a sword without even flinching. even after fighting against two captains she can emerge with light injuries. she can also withstand direct attacks without being phased. she can even take a gran ray cero and immerse with light injuries.

immense endurance: kurai is able to fight for long periods of time. she can even take on two captains at a time without any sign of exhaustion.

Bankai Information
This applies to captains only.

Do you want your character to have bankai: yes

Bankai Description: its just like her shikai except ,kurai throws her blades into the air. they then levitate around her in a circle. creating a force field from the blades to kurai. kurai then selects one of the blades that have been tossed into the air. taking the forms of the elements themselves in human form. she can also combine her forms to create stronger attacks.

Bankai Looks:







History and RP Sample

History: human life and deathKurai was the youngest out of four brothers that where born 200 years ago in a family of Soldiers. Her mother passed away during delivery. Since her mother was a soldier her father decided to make kurai just like her mother. When she was only six years of age Her father trained her in the arts of combat, assassination,and weapon use. Day and night she trained hard and even sparred with her older brothers who each trained her in different styles of combat and techniques,Because of her years of training she was able to defeat them with ease. Her social life was difficult because Even then Kurai wasn't feminine. Intead of wearing cotton dresses like most girls would. Kurai would dress in a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows,black pants,and black leather combat boots with a set of knives strapped to her belt as a gift from her father. Because of this,the women in her village always thought of her as strange and never spoke with her. At the age of fourteen,Kurai was put into the army and fought in many wars and always was able to return home alive with a few battle scars.
Then one day on her sixteenth birthday as she took patrol out in the forest. She came across a pale sickly looking man. Worried,Kurai picked the man up and carried him back to her home and brought him back to health.
The man promised her that he would fight to protect her even at his last breath. For two years in battle,Kurai and the male had fought side by side.
Together they were almost unstoppable until one day. The enemy fired flaming arrows.

Kurai's friend was injured. She carried him out of the burning fortess just in time to witness the arrows flying towards them. With one last effort to defend her friend, kurai threw him to the side underneath what was left of the fort. Before she could even run. The flaming arrows pierced her body and set her clothing and flesh on fire. Pain flooded her veins until everything went numb and black. She was only eighteen years old when she died.

life as a soul and her academy years
Kurai awoke on top of a pile of ash. As she stood to her feet and rubbed the soot from her eyes. She felt at her body and gazed down. How was she alive? she had felt the wounds pierce her body. She remembered the feeling of death.
Yet she was still alive. She looked around and saw what was left of the battle ground and the fortress. Not a living soul stood out there. The ground was gray and covered with ash. The fortress was nothing more than rubble. And dead bodies scattered the battle field. Kurai couldn't believe what she was seeing.
She ran towards her home village as quickly as she could to see if her family was alright but as she made it to her home. All that remained was ash and rubble.

And the place that was once her home was burned to the ground. Kurai fell to her knees in shock,pain, and disbelief. When she went to grasp her chest.
Then did she notice the chain that was attached to her chest. Already struck with grief. Kurai wrapped the chain around her fist and was about to yank it from her chest but she was stopped by the hand of a female. Kurai gazed up to see a women dressed in a black kimono with a katana strapped to her side.
She told kurai to not be afraid and she told kurai her name,rank and what she was. The female shinigami then explained where she was going to take kurai. Before the shinigami could stamp her forehead. Kurai grabbed her wrist much to the shinigami's surprise. Kurai insisted that she would walk with the shinigami.
She didnt wish to figure things out by herself. The female decided that it was a fair request so she took kurai to the soul society with her. As they walked. The shinigami explained everything to kuraboutSbout the soul reapers,the hollows,arrancars and their ranks,the bounts,the quincy,the superhumans and the vizards. She even told kurai about the seretei, and hueco mundo. Kurai then asked the female shinigami what she had to do to become a shinigami herself.
The female simply explained that kurai would need to graduate from the soul reaper academy.

The minute they arrived. kurai searched for the soul reaper academy and enrolled herself in it. Trading her old clothes for the traditional female uniform. The red and white kimono. Kurai even received her own katana. Night and day, she trained with the other students of the academy. Since kurai learned many kinds of martial arts when she was alive, she was one of the best when it came to hand to hand combat and swordsmanship. Kurai was also very intelligent.
And was one of the few female students that had the highest score of the academy. Kurai quickly learned how to do shunpo and learned how to use kido very well. Within a week, she was told that she already had the skills of a seated officer. Which was excellent for a learning shinigami. Kurai continued to push herself. Challenging others to a spar frequently and studying all the time until eventually she was capable of graduating a month later and was automatically put into the seated officer group under the second squad.

kurai's years as a seated officer and achieving shikai
After kurai's promotion to second seat of squad two. She knew she wasn't satisfied. She wished to one day become a captain of the 13 gotei. After going through her captain's tough training method for the stealth force. She always asked for difficult missions and asked to train outside of her original squad to improve all of her skills. Kurai was granted permission right away and so she carried out her promise. After training with the stealth force, kurai went to the world of the living to clear the area of all hollows with a few other squad members. For her this was easy. After accomplishing her mission, she returned to the soul society and headed straight for the third division barracks where she trained herself in hand to hand combat while flash stepping almost constantly and proceeding even when she was exhausted. After this, she went to the fourth division to learn about healing kido. She practiced healing kido on herself by giving herself minor cuts and healing them over and over until she mastered it. Then she headed over to the fifth division where she trained herself with using just kido alone and nothing else until she was at the point of exhaustion and she was ready to learn a new spell. She then went to the sixth division where she practiced with making contact with her zanpakuto spirit so that she could achieve shikai as soon as possible. She then went forth to the seventh where she improved her durability by seeing how many hits she could take before being completely defeated. After healing her wounds she went forth to the eighth division where she trained with kido,hakuda,and swordsmanship.
She then proceeded to the ninth division where she learned about justice and such. She then went to the tenth division to train with the division.
She even pushed herself to spar with the eleventh division members and managed to defeat half of the normal shinigami without the use of her zanpakuto. She then went to the twelfth division to learn more about the different races then finally trained with the thirteenth squad. After accomplishing all of this every day non stop for two years. She was finally contacted by her zanpakuto spirit in a dream.

She stood in the middle of the inner world. One side was a nice summertime field. With cherry trees. The skies cloudless. The other side however was nighttime. The earth was cracked and dry with valcanos in the distance and vines wrapped themselves around the few trees. Standing on the daytime side was a woman standing 5'8 she was beautiful. With a curvy body and e cupped sized breasts. She wore an armored dress with a red obi tied around her waist.
She had metal arm guards and boots. Her long golden brown hair shone brightly in the sunlight. Her skin looked smooth and the color of a light peach.
Her full pink lips turned up in a soft smile her eyes a soft blue. Pure white wings sprouted from her back and strapped to her side was a magnificent sword.
On the nighttime side was a woman that stood the same height,5'8.She was beautiful too but she was more intimidating.
Her skin was deathly pale. Her hair was short and a light gray color. Within her hand she wield a spear. Her eyes were dark and cold looking. They both mouthed a simple sentence. "You are ready....all you must do is say our names..."

Kurai then awoke quickly. And looked at the katana that seemed to be waiting patiently next to her bed. Picking the katana up,two names came to mind.
Without thinking kurai then muttered.Mitsukai.....Akuma... suddenly the katana started to glow. And the katana then formed into a second katana. It was black and the other white. Suddenly two voices. One soft and sweet and the other strict and sinister spoke into kurai's mind. Call our names..just one more time... M-mitsukai oyobi Akuma... The katana's started to glow once again. Kurai jumped out of her bed as the katanas floated out of her hands and levitated in front of her. Her quarters suddenly crumbled down and exploded away from the area around her. The shinigami awoke immediately and ran to kurai's side. The captain of the second division ran to her side. Kuraiyama are you alright? Kurai nodded once. Her eyes fixed on the glowing katanas that floated before her. Are these yours?
Kurai nodded once. This must be your shikai....but why are they not transforming? Before kurai could respond the two voices said.
Choose an element.... what do i choose? Kurai thought back. The voices paused for a moment then mitsukai gently said.
Choose one of my elements...water,,light,and wind...
Kurai suddenly grasped the white katana and said.Show them the light mitsukai,water! Akuma snickered.Now choose either fire,earth,or darkness Kurai obediently grabbed the black katana and said. Lure them into the darkest depths of hell,Akuma fire! The two katanas then transformed and an explosion occurred before her captain could stop her. One side was blue and the other was red. As the light died.
Kurai was now wielding a brilliant blue sword with a blue pearl embedded into the hilt. She could feel the cold aura creeping from it. The other sword was glowing red and it was warm. Without warning the blade burst into flames. Startling the young shinigami. The squad looked at each other in astonishment.
The captain didnt say a word. She simply looked at kurai and sighed. Pack your things, ill see to it that you will be put into the first division... as the captain walked away. the two weapons returned back into the black and white katanas. She strapped them to her side and gathered whatever was left from her destroyed room and headed to the training grounds to practice her newly obtained shikai.

The next day, kurai was awakened early to attend a meeting.
Taking a deep breath she headed over to the first division to attend the meeting. As she opened the door she felt pressured. She could feel the eyes of all the captains on her. Despite this she let her gaze face up ahead. She then bowed before the captains and the captain commander.
Yamamoto then commanded her to come forward. Nodding once. She walked forward. Starring straight ahead even with the looks of the captains and the lieutenants on her back. When she made it to the captain commander.
She knelt in front of him and waited to hear what he had to say. Kuraiyama mizuki....after the death of my previous lieutenant i here by announce you to take his place as my may now rise and accept your badge. Kurai couldn't believe what she was hearing.
Had she already been promoted so easy? this had to be a dream but this was real. Kurai stood up, a big grin spread on her face. She bowed low before the captain commander.Thank you captains and commander! really this is a great honor.... The lieutenants gasped as they heard the once seated officer speak out in such a manner. However much to everyone's surprise. The captain commander simply laughed in amusement at kurai's response. He reached out and patted her head lightly. It is alright young one... He handed her the lieutenant badge which she tied firmly around her left arm. Now that you are my lieutenant i will now train you early in the morning so be ready young one..everyone this meeting has come to an end you may now be dismissed Kurai nodded bowed once again to him, she then bowed to the other captains and her now fellow lieutenants then headed out of the room along with them. The first thing she did was head to the training grounds to practice using her zanpakuto abilities and mastering it..

kurai's lieutenant years
The captain commander was true to his word. He ordered that kurai would be awoken immediately. Kurai was then escorted to the first division's training grounds. It was an amazing sight. It looked like a newly built arena. Brilliant white with a grand stadium built around it. This must be where the events take place. Kurai thought to herself wistfully. She then stopped dead in her tracks as she felt a powerful presence. It was like walking through water.
Thick and heavy. It took her all of her will power not to fall to her knees. Standing thirty feet ahead of her. The captain commander stood with a firm expression on his old wrinkled face. You best get used to this young one....for this is just the beginning of your come forth Kurai clenched her teeth together and forced herself to begin walking. The captain commander opened his eyes slightly, the spiritual energy became more intense. Kurai felt her knees slightly buckle.
But she forced herself to rise back up. She kept walking towards the captain commander to his amazement. He then raised his spiritual pressure more. His body starting to glow a faint red. kurai felt the weight press against her.
She watched the ground crack and the stadium starting to make light grinding noises. Kurai's knees buckled,but she refused to give up. She started to crawl towards the old captain commander who only smirked with amusement. Impressive young one...impressive have fine potential kuraiyama, but can you handle this? Suddenly the spiritual power rose rapidly. Kurai screamed in agony, while unknowingly releasing her own spiritual energy. The captain commander cracked a slight smile as kurai was able to rise up again and walk towards him. Though it was still a bit difficult. He laughed and released his spiritual energy even higher. Kurai released more of her energy at full strength. She kept walking towards the old man until she finally grabbed hold of his haori as she fell to her knees. The captain commander chuckled and the spiritual pressure stopped as well as kurai's as she passed out at his feet. Amazing young one truly amazing....your spiritual energy matched that of a lieutenant of mine has pulled this off until now...i expect great things from you..
With that the captain commander ordered for kurai to be brought to her quarters. For three months she went through harsh, life threatening training from the captain commander himself. Everyday she kept getting better and better. she was even able to master her shikai.

The captain commander then suddenly called all of the captains and lieutenants to another meeting. All but one captain made it. It was the second divisions captain. The captain commander cleared his throat and said. I am sorry to say that we have lost one of our captains...please lets have a moment of silence.. After ten minutes of silence. The captain commander finally said. Bring forth the second division haori...its time to select a new captain from the lieutenants. The lieutenants gasped as he pointed at kuraiyama. Lieutenant Mizuki...i hereby promote you to be the new captain of squad may rise and except the haori that shall symbol your leadership of the stealth force. Kurai obeyed and tied the sleeveless haori around her waist. Pride swelled in her chest. surely this did not happen every day.

Final promotion and present time
400 years have passed, kurai had already obtained her bankai and mastered it.
Her days as a captain was outstanding. Every battle she lead her division out to, she came back victorious without a single death in her squad. That is until one day, when the war between the espada came. The captain commander was injured in battle and struck down. Kurai, outraged as she watched her friends fall down dead to the earth. Soaking the sand with their blood. Kurai's spiritual pressure exploded from her body. Destroying the buildings and killing the minor Hollows as well as the menos.Without another moment of hesitation.
Kurai and the rest of the 13 gotei engaged with the espada and eventually defeated them. However the espada leader still had an upper hand against them. Kurai looked around the battle field around her.
Shinigami were wounded. Captains were considering surrender. To let the leader of the arrancars take over the soul society to preserve what shinigami they had left. Disgust and rage filled her. This, was completely unacceptable.

EVERYONE SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN UP! The captains grew silent as they slowly turned towards the female who was trembling with fury. And you dare call yourselves the captains of the 13 gotei. She snapped in a harsh tone.Our captain commander has risked his life for the soul society for years and he is now dead! are you going to let all his years of hard work go in vain? The captains silently shook their heads which caused kurai to smirk coldly. Well then i'm going to tell you this once, fight with me now and you better be ready to kiss your lives good bye! but if you choose to leave the battle grounds then go ahead, no one will stop you; just know that the blood of the deceased who you have failed to protect will come back to haunt you for the rest of your miserable i have a question for all of you... She raised her blade and made a slashing movement in the air. Cutting down half of the building of las noches with the lightning.Are you coming with me or not? The captains and remaining shinigami slowly started to smile once.
Releasing their shikais they all shunpoed to the throne of las noches to take down the leader of the espada. The battle was not easy, it took days. Some captains stayed behind to hold of the hollows that were coming in by the thousands. And more shinigami were killed. Kurai had to face off the espada leader alone. As the espada leader was about to finish off her squad.
One blade blocked his path. What the hell do you think you're doing? Kurai asked him with a cold grin on her face. She threw out her blades which levitated around her form. The elements gathering around her. Then with one last powerful attack. The espada leader was brought down. You're under arrest by the order of the soul society...This is the end espada..... Kurai said while placing her katanas at her sides and healing the shinigami and captains. They all traveled home with the arrancar bodies littering the battle ground.

The next day the captains gathered for yamamoto's funeral.
After paying their respects it was time to select the next captain commander.
Everyone then looked at kurai. Kurai blinked once asking why they were looking at her like that. One of the captains smirked and said.Well isnt it obvious? you're our new leader so receive your new haori and lead us well Commander Kurai smiled once and stepped forward.
Accepting her new role as the captain commander. Ever since that day. She has restored the ranks within the 13 gotei and built better homes for the souls.
Not many wars came along so far. Even the war between aizen and the soul society was over quick As Ichigo and Their new fifth division captain Malicia put aizen under arrest.And at the moment everything seemed at peace much to kurai's relief. That is until it was said that aizen had escaped from the prisons. Everyone thought he had died in the prison. But it seems that he was back and ready for revenge. Kurai had ordered everyone to be on high alert. Determined to have aizen captured once again. Kurai along with the thirteen gotei come up with strategies while kurai personally with the other captains search for clues that could lead to aizen's current location.

RP Sample: h what do we have here? Asmodeus said in a playful tone as he stood over a weak spirit with small traces of demonic energy.she was trembling in the corner,staring at him with her large yellow eyes.Asmodeus knelt.a smirk on his lips.oh come now there's no need to be afraid of me...after all I won't kill you.... the female looked up to him with a trace of hope in her eyes she then slowly accepted his outstreched hand. Wrong move on her part.Asmodeus pulled her forward and bit down on her neck.draining her blood and her soul.he could feel her strength pour into him.the female screamed loudly in agnony.her screams where delicious.but sadly the lovely screams didn't last long for she fell limp on the ground as soon as the last drop of her strength and blood where gone.Asmodeus chuckled and wiped the blood off his lips.He heard about the demon meeting and headed over to it.he was tall,6'4 with a lean yet muscular frame.his hair was blond with his bangs covering his left eye.his eyes where a beautiful light green that seemed to shine in the light.he wore a black long sleeve button up shirt with a white one underneath,the buttons where undone to reveal his collar bone and a golden coin that hung around his neck with a black ribbon.he wore black gloves.dress pants and shoes.on his neck was a rose that was on fire.marking him as the embodiment of lust. Asmodeus stopped walking for a minute and grinned mischievously.he didn't feel like being seen in his male appearance.with a quick snap of his fingers.his appearance changed completely from a dashing young man to a beautiful woman.she was petite standing only 5'3 yet she had a curvy figure and E cup size breasts.her skin was a lovely cream peach color with her soft long blond hair pulled back into a loose ponytail with a black ribbon.she wore a long black dress with floral patterns on split at her sides showing off her legs and she didn't have any shoes.her lips where full and shell pink and her eyes where a soft pink with the pupils slitted.she walked gracefully through hell's hallways.a slight frown appeared on her lips.meeting where boring but they had to be attended if she wanted the soul society to be destroyed.a smile appeared on her lips then as she finally made it to the meeting.sorry if I'm late.... Kohaku said in a soft seductive tone that she always had.Asmodeus was...busy again,you know how it goes she finished with a giggle that sounded like music.everyone knew that Kohaku was apart of Asmodeus however she was more different in personality to everyone's slight relief.Kohaku was also Asmodeus's main attraction.therefore she was made to be more attractive than any woman that ever existed and had an aura that could lure pretty much anyone to her much more easily than Asmodeus himself.he also used her to escape meetings which Kohaku beat him senseless for.Kohaku then took a seat with Envy on her left and Amon on her right.she crossed her legs and rested her hands rested on her lap.she gave a light smile to the group of male demons and sighed softly. As she waited for Lucifer to begin.

Last edited by Kuraiyama Mizuki on Thu Dec 02, 2010 5:38 pm; edited 14 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Mon Nov 22, 2010 5:08 pm

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Malicia Nephilim


PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Tue Nov 23, 2010 5:15 pm

Before I look at the history there's two things that need fixing. Firstly what you put in Weaknesses is totally not one but rather a personality trait. Then what I can read from the "Other techniques" section is "Super awesome at every single thing and better than the leaders of each specializations" which is unacceptable even for a Captain-commander-level character.
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Tue Nov 23, 2010 6:26 pm

Actually the captain commander Surpasses the fellow captains. Look at yamamato, he could kill anyone with one strike.and he was excellent at kido,swordsmanship,ect.

Either way I fixed it

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Kodi Justice


PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Wed Nov 24, 2010 5:23 am

When you are switching from sword to sword how long does it take? (post-wise)
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Wed Nov 24, 2010 8:15 am

Edited that.
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Malicia Nephilim


PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Wed Nov 24, 2010 10:41 am

Due to recently watched episodes I withdraw my argument. Still need to read the history though.
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:35 pm

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Malicia Nephilim


PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Thu Nov 25, 2010 10:01 pm

Alright so I read the story and I have a few issues.

Firstly, for the human life, it confuses me a lot. I'm trying to make sense off the fact that your character being 1500 years old makes it so you lived in the 6th century yet there are mentions of guns and canons the later only appearing in history as of my knowledge around the 11th or so century and the former in mid 18th or 19th if we consider muskets.

Onward, I'd like to make a general note toward your formatting. You should really learn to structure your text into smaller paragraphs. 30+ lines in a single paragraph on a large monitor like mine is a bit crazy and will make most people want to not read at all. Also, dialogues should be given more space, not cluster within huge walls of texts.

I'd also want to point out certain points such as this which are very confusing and use no proper capitalization.
Quote :
.her hair was black.her skin pale.her hair was short and a light gray color.
As a matter of fact you seem to almost never ever use proper capitalization at the beginning of sentences, amongst other things, please work on this and try to re-read your texts before posting.

Quote :
she raised her blade and made a slashing movement in the air. cutting down half of las noches with the lightning
Las Noches is insanely huge, it would take an equally tremendous attack to do this, not just some reaitsu from a slash motion.

I also have a problem with you taking the "Espada Leader" down in a single attack in its released form since you wrote just before that he had been pwning every single captains seemingly effortlessly right before.(as well as defeating Yamamoto) and don't like either how you've killed off every other captain from this time which will either result in every canon captains being dead OR replacing Yamamoto very early before the canon story.

Finally, your last paragraph is entirely conflicting with the storyline indicated at the top of the index, Aizen escaped after a single year, not a thousand, which itself makes me wonder just "which" war you referred to at the previous paragraph.

Overall there are many points that contribute to making me very confused and unable to approve the story and I would need other admin opinions.
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Sat Nov 27, 2010 4:36 pm

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Malicia Nephilim


PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Thu Dec 02, 2010 12:59 pm

You're still cutting down HALF OF A HUGE CITY in a random sword swing.

Aizen was captured by Ichigo and Malicia, I always assumed by "Espada Leader" you referred to another war that happened in the past.

I also have a problem with you healing a hundred of shinigamis including captains at once just after fighting with a faction leader.

Asides from that it seems ok.
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Thu Dec 02, 2010 4:21 pm

If a regular espada could destroy the entire fortress with spiritual energy alone,the captain commander can destroy much worse without a need for a weapon. and also my character used her lightning/ wind blade to do so. And also las noches on the inside part is very big with a bunch of buildings so all my character did was bring down 1 building. Also she didn't heal every single ahinigami. Only the Shinigami that managed to survive . And also. For the aizen part I don't know how to respond to that lol
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Malicia Nephilim


PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Thu Dec 02, 2010 5:23 pm

if you're referring to Ulquiorra he was using his Ultimate Skill in in his Ultimate form and he was insanely powerful. Moreso he didn't blow up the whole fortress, it just looked huge. I didn't understand it was only a building though, I thought you were still trying to slash everything casually so I guess that point is fine.

For the aizen part just say this happened a while before the Aizen Arc and you've been CC for a bit.
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PostSubject: Re: Captain Commander Kuraiyama Mizuki ( finished)   Thu Dec 02, 2010 5:46 pm

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